A lot has happened since my last post.
- I started a poncho for Allison that she'll be able to wear when she rides her bike (pink, of course, to match her bike helmet!).
- Priscilla died the day I took her to the vet. We think she had a heart defect. Her twin brother wandered the house for three days calling for her.
- Last Wednesday - I flunked my stress test.
- Today (Thursday) - I flunked my angiogram. Part of my triple bypass of 1 1/2 years ago has failed so I have to have a stent placed next week. Unless I flunk that too - then I'll have another bypass, oh goody.
I'm sure you've seen the little saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, let me tell you, I'm ready to open up a lemonade stand on our front lawn, except the grass is so high (broken lawnmower) that I'd probably get chiggers!
I don't know how atheists get through life. If I didn't have God and Mother Mary to cry, plead, and talk to I would go out of my mind. I think that's what it all boils down to - you and your relationship with the Almighty. I guess I am lucky in that the nuns who taught me in school never held sin and hell over my head. I was taught you had to talk your problems out with God sincerely and listen for His answer.
Thankfully I don't lay so many guilt trips on myself anymore when I mess up. And I'm learning not to let others lay them on me also. People always try to blame their failures on something other than their own lack of knowledge or their own selfishness. We allow little children to make mistakes and forgive them - we need to do the same for ourselves. I am positive that that is what God does.
Actually, I am thankful that I am having the heart procedure, whatever it happens to be, and however painful it is. It could be far worse - I could have been born fifty years ago when doctors were not able to perform the miracles they do in hospitals today.
My prayer now is for Bonnie - who I do not know personally - who is having back surgery next week; Marjorie, who lost her son in a car accident while he was on his way to the hospital to be with his eight year old son who had a seizure; and all of the other souls on this earth who are going through things that don't seem fair or are undeserved. I have to believe that all of our suffering, intense or minute, and all of our happiness serves a higher purpose than we can see.
Or maybe, like Dorothy, we will all wake up one day and realize that we have been in Kansas all along.