Sunday, September 23, 2007

Too Lazy for Words !

Literally, I am too lazy to write. I started my "early retirement" with great enthusiasm in spite of the uneasiness of not having a second paycheck coming in...and I've sort of petered out.

Part of it I know is the heat...and the boredom of being alone all day (the cats don't count as great conversationalists)...and only "looking" instead of "shopping" if I go out (I never could understand the rationality of "window shopping"). Another part of it is the emotional beating I took at my last job - it's amazing what one jerk can do to your psyche.

I'm also in a slump because my genealogical search for my grandmother's birth family is going no where and will probably stay there until I take the magical brick from her brick wall, but I'm pretty much stymied as far as new places to look.

My house is also an issue. I need to do the spring cleaning that I missed doing the past two years. Motivation is the key. Motivation, motivation, new mantra.

My dad would have said "just get off your a** and do it!" - he was a worker par excellence. Of course, his extreme type A personality, workaholism and bad genes put him in the hospital at age 45 with five heart attacks in five days, and then into a grave. I missed that last bullet nearly two years ago, and since then I have been determined to not copy what I can help of the rest of his life. It's hard to find that midpoint between

  1. workaholic and

  2. doing nothing at all - but

  3. I'm working on it.

And, oh yes, the little violin has been playing a sad little tune the last month, just for me. And I have enjoyed it somewhat, but the tune is very boring and is becoming annoying, so I HAVE to snap out of this rut!

I've let a few people down this past few hubby, Allison, my kids, friends, not following through with plans and promises. None of them have complained or tried to lay a guilt trip on me...I am so blessed to have this circle around me.

But, since I am now annoying MYSELF, I realize that I have probably - no, HAVE - been annoying the stuffing out of them. Sorry, guys and gals, I PROMISE to do better!

I have accomplished some things. My frequent cursing is gone (funny what leaving a jerk job will do for you). We are eating healthier - very few burgers, fries and pizzas cross our threshold. NO potatoes, NO white bread or rice, NO red meat or pork, NO ice cream (do you know how hard that last one has been with NO air conditioning all summer???). Giving up pasta has been the hardest, but I have finally found a whole grain pasta that is VERY good and surprisingly filling in spite of the fact that I only fix half of a small box now instead of an entire large one. And I have lost 30 pounds.

So now it's time to start MOVING and CLEANING and SEWING and STAYING OFF OF THE COMPUTER! If I can do the last thing the other three will be a cinch.

Wish me luck.

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