Thursday, January 8, 2009

Cleaning for . . . 2010

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computin'
And I had to answer 'yes.'

He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work.
I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into.
was into it all night.

Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.

author unknown

My mother believed in a LOT of superstitions.

If a bird flew into your house, expect a death...soon. Birds that bounced off your windows counted.

A knife dropped to the floor signified company coming (or was it a fork?? I don't remember).

If you reversed a garment that you put on inside out you would have bad luck.

A house that was clean on January 1st would stay clean all year; a dirty one was doomed to be filthy all year.

This last one has plagued me for the past three years.

My house has been a complete disaster since my heart surgery. I can no longer pick heavy things up, I'm not allowed to mop floors or vacuum, and bending over to retrieve things from the floor puts me in the recliner after about 20 minutes.

When I was still working I tried employing a lady to come in once a month to do the heavy work like the mopping and vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and general picking up. She used Murphy's oil soap on everything - I prefer Lysol or Pine Sol cleaning products. She left streaks on all the appliances, and anything that she picked up went in the middle of my bed! When food started disappearing from the frig, I let her go.

Then I hired a cleaning service. This worked okay for a month until I started finding my cats outside (they are indoor cats). I don't see why they couldn't handle the presence of my little helpers. When a phone call to the agency resulted in a new crew who left the cats indoors but locked in the garage all day (would it have been so hard to let them back into the house before they left???

When the last of my boys MOVED OUT (YEAH!) I decided to do the best I could by starting in October and doing one room a week. Doctors appointments, a sick kittie (who had to be put down, poor baby), and an injured knee (I fell down the basement steps) slowed me down. Then my youngest moved back in with three rooms of furniture; my middle son came home for Thanksgiving to pack his things and send them off to his home in NJ (he packed and shipped ONE BOX OF BOOKS the entire week). I got disgusted and DID NOTHING.

So of course January 1st came around (I missed it by going to bed at 7 p.m,) and astonishingly the cobwebs and dust were still present!

This year's finances won't allow me to hire some cleaning help. I should have remembered that my dad always put a new SILVER quarter on all the window sills to insure wealth for the New Year.

I forgot that I should have eaten either black eyed peas or navy beans on New Year's day (you're supposed to earn a new dollar for every bean you eat).

And I took my sweatshirt off and put it on right side out before we left to visit some friends; will I EVER learn?

It seems that Mom (and Dad) were right after all, and I have a poor, dirty house to prove it!!!

But there's always next year. I've already begun collecting silver quarters. I'm calling in all the loans given to my sons over the years by requiring floor cleaning as payback. A tacky trashcan has been placed by my husband's TV chair to collect his snack debris (mainly Coke cans and candy wrappers since he's stopped smoking).

I even plan to buy some Beano to take before our 2010 New Year's day dinner.

Now if I can just get my nerve up to start pitching my son(s) junk - one piece a day - until I've reclaimed (and managed to clean) my basement. I bet if I sent him a picture - one each day - he'd manage to make an emergency trip home to finally pack his stuff up.

Maybe I'll start with his guitar...

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